Lori Chortkoff Hops

The Bursting Bubble

–Thousand Oaks, (CA) Day of Suicide, Homicide, Wildfires

Borderline Bar and Grill:
stink of smoke and bleach
after the fire
after the shootings
a collection of flowers
and bears
pinwheels catching the light
sidewalk cluttered
with rows of toys and photos
where people smile and pose
under a canopy of blue and green pop-up tents.

But this is no ordinary street fair
12 wooden crosses
on guard over their charges–
Where is the 13th cross?
the one for the expert marksman-turned-shooter–

Silently watching
invisible
intertwined all at once
between the moments:
‌         before,
‌         during,
‌         and after
the splattering of souls.

How does his family mourn him?
In his exile
he’s heard and seen
as the frame is marked
with his choices–
Stay at home or go out?
Join the group?
Or pull the trigger?
His final words posted on social media
swan song to a life we cannot
understand.

No time passes
before the fires eat our lives
‌         charred canyons
‌         burning animals
‌         exploding homes

We are on the map
strung together with cities never mentioned in the same phrase
before now:
Parkland and Newton and
Thousand Oaks and Squirrel Hill and
Columbine and–
‌         and
‌         and
‌         and
rattled off like gunfire.

Tears soak the earth as the fires burn.
People choke in the dark daytime air, mourning twin tragedies,
cleaning their corner of chaos.

So much blood fills the bar
that days later
the sharp smell of bleach permeates
the insides of cars passing along the highway.

But there is not enough bleach
to blot out the stain of the 13 slain.

 

Lori Chortkoff Hops, Ph.D., DCEP is a licensed psychologist and Reiki Master living and working in the Conejo Valley, which includes Thousand Oaks, CA, where the Borderline Bar and Grill shootings took place in November of 2018. The next day, wildfires caused a mass evacuation of the area. You can find her writing published in Energy Magazine, by visiting her website.