Johann Van der Walt

Disintegrate

 I step off onto the tarmac
And my identity evaporates into the rush of wind
The cogs and bolts that define me
Suddenly irrelevant in this place
My lungs are filled with my stories
Words this country doesn’t care to swallow
So I dream
I pretend that there are butterflies around me
They know what was left behind
A slab of concrete becomes the law
The uniform that approaches me is what I fear
From spending Christmas with my family
Watching willows weep into the wild rivers
Mountain winds whispering secrets into soil
To a city that never sleeps
I came here for a better life
than my minority blood
would have allowed back home
There is a cancer with my name on it
Violence and hatred call out to my kin
In me you see a refugee, an inconvenience
the stranger who disrupts your economy
And all I have are my memories
Losing myself completely along this journey
So I can smell flowers without blood
And walk in a park without the looming chants of war

Johann Van der Walt, a South African born citizen, has published poetry in journals locally and internationally. He is also the winner of the L’Art Poetique: Ingrid Jonker 2019 Poetry competition and has written two children’s books – Bhubesi & Frankie Learns To Fly. Van der Walt will make his American debut with a new chapbook, This Road Doesn’t Lead Home, forthcoming in 2020.