Amelia Diaz Ettinger

Pareidolia

the number three appeared
in a cloud as clear and tangible
as the Esso sign
at the corner
of Betances and Gautier

in the car on the way to school
riding with one of my fathers
the sign of the petrol station
always helped me distinguish
the number three from the letter E

now i know what the cloud
tried to tell me,
that the 3 and the letter E
are the things i no longer have

their voices filled my narrow world,
the cultivated chatter of medicine
and litigation,
in a cumulous baritone
that shouted verses of Darío
but not Neruda
—ese comunista

the oldest set me straight
for nuns and school,
the youngest to the movies
— mira, que cómico es Cantinflas
to show me the México he missed
and I didn’t remember

and there was one,
the one I loved best,
whose too wide shoulders folded
to showed me how to use a blade of grass
to catch anoles and reveries

but like that cloud over Boardman,
dispersing softly into nothingness
one by one they went—

‌            First, was Paco, whose cheek, like adiabatic cooling,
‌    ‌        left a hardened tenderness on my lips

‌            as his body was carted away by a nurse
‌            —this isn’t good for you, she said
‌            as she ushered me out of the room
‌            out of my begging for him to stay

‌            Then, was Moisés. Whose last breath
‌            carried his bride’s name
‌            in his untimely death, he took
‌            the memory of my birth
‌            and the songs
‌            —México lindo y querido
‌            si muera lejos de ti…

‌            and Euclides, whose every atom
‌            was my atmosphere,
‌            my cloudless sky,
‌            he is the one,
‌            from whom I still
‌            had so much to learn
‌            the one who should have stayed

Amelia Díaz Ettinger is a Latinx BIPOC poet and writer. Amelia’s poetry and short stories have been published in anthologies, literary magazines, and periodicals. She has an MS in Biology and MFA in creative writing. Her literary work is a marriage of science and her experience as an immigrant. Presently, she resides in Eastern Oregon.